your hitting way below the belt miss

there are lots of things that piss me off but nothing beats the good old bad publicity.

there are always people who would not like me but there is this one person who just hates my guts.

hhmmm i asked myself what im supposed to do to get her off my back and i came up with this answer... " be gone"

anything just ticks her off and i could not hold it in anymore. correcting is one thing, judging is another.

what is the difference between correcting and judging?

well when you correct someone you try to instruct that person on the right thing to do.

when you judge somebody you conclude something about somebody with or without complete evidences.

judgment when coupled with backbiting and rumor spreading may be quite deadly.

it results to heartache and grudge.

it is so difficult to stop yourself from holding a grudge against somebody but how could you not do it when she is killing your social life bit by bit.

saying horrible things about you, pretending to self righteous when in the end if you get to the bottom of the issue, it's all about the insecurity the fear of being left alone.

how then, after understanding all this, can you begin to hate this person when all that arises is pity.

sorry for her crude thinking

sorry for her insecurity

sorry for her narrow mindedness

sorry for her selfishness

but lastly i feel so sorry for myself that i could not even defend myself

i could not even fight her back

how then do i save myself?

how will i deal with this situation?

how will i begin to forgive when every time i think about all the things that has happened i feel like she is killing me slowly.

dear friend,

I'm thinking of something to say to you,

but i can't seem to find any word that would describe how i feel.

There are so many things i wanted to tell you but i cant seem to verbalize them. So many things has happened that often times i find myself desperately wanting to tell you my side of the story but i just don't get the chance. i tell myself i don't care, i won't care, whatever..... But then again all those memories come back and it all comes back full circle. Funny, i always say "not anymore" but look at me... Still the same... A lot like the song buses and trains, know that?

i walked under a bus. i got hit by a train. i keep falling in love which is kind of the same. i sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane and it felt so good i wanna do it again.

salt and pepper

 

salt and pepper...

too different but always a perfect match.

so different that it's better  having them together.

what is with salt and pepper that even if they differ in so many ways we cant seem to find them separated.

salt and pepper...

a perfect match.

salt and pepper...

can't do without each other.

salt and, where are you my dear pepper?...

Sweet!!!

somehow it feels surreal.

cutie

its sooooo cute!!!

hehehehe thats all...

that's shakespeare in love ;>

"He's fought and he's fallen
He's on his knees before he's on his feet
A sinister romantic
Oh, he's about to be and she's about to see

Teachin' torches to burn bright
She's hanging on the cheek of night
A snowy dove trooping with crows
He never saw true beauty till tonight"

A few lines from the song SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE

I have loved this song since the first time i heard it

And i can say that every time i hear it i keep falling in love like it was the first time.

I have wished and dreamed for so long that when i find "him" it would feel like this.

I would fall in love more every time.

Like wine that grows sweeter through time.

Like a cliff withstanding the test of time, wind and water.

For us, people who are far from the league of artists such as Shakespeare,

How do we fall in love??

Is it that remarkable?

Does it seem that the world stops when you realize that you too have fallen in love?

Do you feel the the beating of you heart? And i mean literally. 

Is it true that sometimes you feel like your walking on a cloud?

And is it true that you'll only know that you have fallen when it starts to hurt?

She Got Shot

She can still see it clearly, it was in the middle of the afternoon, the heat was stifling but she didn't mind because there was a cool breeze kissing her face. She was walking on her way home, a bit weary and tired but she doesn't know why. Maybe because of the heat. As she was walking she was staring at the road, counting pebbles on the ground, got nothing better to do. All of a sudden she had this feeling of something weird but familiar, she looked up and there she saw this oh so familiar face. The face that she keeps looking for every week at church, the face that always seems to pop out of nowhere and just gives that crooked smile that always makes her tummy do somersaults.

She see's him once a week at church, she doesn't even know his name but when their eyes meet they both give that smile, simple and shy but it never fails to complete her day. He has this magnetic affect on her and she couldn't tell why, he's this mysterious guy that intrigues the hell out of her. Unluckily they never got formally introduced.

When she saw him look up she smiled and waved, internally struggling how to talk to him when she doesn't even know his name. She opted for the over friendly approach and asked him what he was doing there (in her school). They had a short conversation about it beside a big tree that she would have gladly leaned on because her knees suddenly turned weak, the kind that strangers would have in an attempt to be comfortable with someone they do not interact with regularly.

After the chat she said goodbye and went on her way. She absently looked at the trees she was passing noting her heart beating loudly against her chest. she hoped he didn't hear. Well actually she secretly hoped he did. She had a couple of stops before heading straight home. She was walking towards the parking lot where her ride would be (a public vehicle) when she saw that face again. Her heart skipped a beat. She tried to smile and as she sat down beside him she was awfully aware of every sensation she felt when her arm touched his accidentally. He was friendly and talked to her, she tried her best to keep up with the conversation but she couldn't concentrate. when she thought he asked something and she didn't hear it clearly she just gave him that dumb smile that could be an excuse for anything.

Then it was her stop, it was all so fast. As she was stepping out of the vehicle her mind seemed stuck. All she could see was his crooked smile and for the first time she realized she was shot through the heart.

she was walking along the beach, thinking of the past.
quietly reminiscing what had been...
thinking about so many things yet longing only for that one moment to be given to her again. to be given the chance to go back in time and take it all back.

she sat down on the sand hugging her knees and placing her head bowed between them.
she wants to shield her face from the sea, she doesn't want her to see that she's hurt. she's covering her face from the sand, she does not want them to witness her moment of weakness. she's trying to be strong, to tell the world she can make it, to prove to them that they cannot break her.

she tried to hold it in, to stop he tears.
she wanted to keep it all to herself, wanted nobody else to share her hurt.
she cried silently, she couldn't hold it any more.

she took a small stone and with all her might threw it across the water and with all her might wished that, like that stone she could just throw away all her pain.

she sat there not minding time,
she sat there not thinking what will happen next.
she just sat there.
waiting..
and she waited....
for that one thing to wake her up,
for that something to save her...

i loved you once

i loved you once,
how i wanted to tell you that...
how i wanted to look into your eyes and smugly say:
i loved you once.

funny, no matter how i try i just can't seem to do it.
i don't know how to start
and even if i do say it,
am afraid i'd say it in a wrong way.....

i loved you once
i told myself
i loved you once
i made myself believe
i loved you once
do you believe me?
i loved you once
i lied...

wish

When i look at you i wanna know what goes on behind that smile, what lays behind those dark beautiful eyes.
There is a place within you that you keep from everyone, can I see it? There is something you keep from everybody else, would you care to share 'em with me?
I wanna know what you think about, what you dream about, what you wish for.
Sounds pretty simple but i know that it would be a lifetime before i get my answers to those questions.
In life I learned that there are things that are just bound to be out of each.
When you say that there are things you want so badly that you think is unreachable you are not alone.
You dream of so many things that you would want to happen in your life and that you think you won't be given the chance to have them but don't you see that i too am dreaming, am wishing for things that is next to impossible.
So many wishes, prayers and dreams that i wanted to come true but like you, I'm in a place where all i can do is wait and hope.

dear stranger

Several times a week i spend time at a quiet little coffee shop by myself, reading a book and sipping frappe. I've been doing this for quite some time now. contented in just being alone, submerging myself in a world of make believe, trying to ignore that small voice inside me crying softly " i need something.. "

Then one day you came in, looked around and took a seat at a table beside mine. sitting at a chair which is directly in front of me, you are staring at the door with that anxious look in your eyes as if saying " please come after me, I'll be here waiting...".

Just seeing that in your eyes made me realize that i too am waiting. Waiting for that something that could fill me. Suddenly I felt hallow, I tried to concentrate on the book I'm reading tried to immerse myself once more in that world of make believe, I tried to divert my attention from you. But the feeling just won't go away, no matter what i do i cant forget that look in your eyes, that longing for something or somebody.

I began to panic, my walls are crumbling. I don't even know you but im beginning to hate you, you stirred something in me that has been locked way deep inside.

I started to squirm in my seat, finding a good position that would eliminate you in my direct line of sight. I won't allow someone like you to shatter my solitude, my srene content moment.

I used to feel secure, contented somehow, happy...
But now i realize that i was just playing the act. Well I'm a good actress then because i even fooled myself. for so long I have made myself believe, led my self to think that my life is perfect... Till you came along.

Maybe all our lives are based on carefully built walls, we believe that we are happy and content, that we are complete. Everyday we face life without even noticing that we are alone, seeing lovers kiss, holding hands, hug and not even feel a hint of jealousy... Or do we really?

In the blink of an eye the bubble bursts, we notice, we feel. Our lives change, our carefully built walls crack and finally crumble.

After savoring the feeling of feeling again we begin to wonder what caused us to wake up, to emerge from that slumber of being numb. We realize that what started it all was just something so small that when witnessed by others would seem worthless.

We begin to understand that to feel, to hurt, to wait, to long for someone or something is not being stupid but being brave enough to live. For because of these feelings we know...
that we are human.