am i really over you?

am i really over you?
im asking myself that this very minute.
im also telling myself that i am,
but why can't i be happy?

am i really over you?
if i am then why can't i get you out of my head?
why can't i stop thinking about you.
why am i still affected.

am i really over you?
i wish i was.
i hope i will.
because for now, i think i'm still in love with you.

A Brother In You

I found you when I least expected.

I found you when I was so down.

You made me smile and placed that warm feeling deep with in my heart.

You are someone that can understand me even if I don’t speak.

I feel so grateful that I met you.

I feel so blessed God gave me you.

I now have boundless joy to have found a brother in you.

Dear Grampa

It was a Friday and it was not that hot in the month of February. Things were in their usual slow pace as I got down from the cab and looked out and saw that wonderful smile. We have been friends for so long that I have come to a point where I have memorized your every mood, expression even the creases in your face when you smile.

When I was at an arms length you reached out and gave me one of you famous great big bear hug. Just like our favorite restaurant, you always know how I like it, cozy and warm. It felt so nice to stay in your arms, even just for a while.

Then it was time to let go and as you always do, you kiss me in the temple then ruffle my hair, your very own version of telling me that you missed me. It felt wonderful to be here with you again, to be able to spend a day with you. A day where I could talk all I want and not get interrupted, where in I know I would be heard, a day where I can be myself and not pretend to be somebody for I am with you, my very own Grampa.

You led me to a bench and just then I realized you brought lunch for the two of us. It has been so long since we both have been in this little park. Our very own haven from a world of noise and hurts. It never fails to make me smile when I remember how we used to call this place; “My Grampa’s Place”. I used to pretend that you had this made just for me, your baby.

You may be wondering why I am writing all of this Gramps, but I wanted to tell you that even if it was the last time that you would be able to take me out, the last time for you to be with me on our famous “Grampa’s Place”, it would be the best and I will always think of it for it is the best date any girl could ever have. Being with someone who knows how to love, cherish and care for a scared little girl and help turn her into a woman, a woman of worth.

As you lie there in your bed, don’t let the sickness get you down and please know that you are the most wonderful Man/Friend/Grampa God has ever made.

…Do You Remember?

Thinking back, can you remember one event that has claimed a great part in your memory? It may be happy or it may be painful, are you thinking about it now? Do still feel that rush of emotions like you did back then? Do you remember the weather, the clothes you wore? I do, now let me tell you…

It was the thirteenth of February, a little past one that after noon. I was wearing a black top and a pair of jeans that day. Quite comfortable though I am wondering why that color, why black since it was sunny that day. As I came in the restaurant you stood up to greet me. That crooked smile really has become a treat lately. It was so nice to see that smile again and again and again…

Sitting there I was wondering what that important thing you wanted to tell me was. I was so nervous that I was quiet, you did not even notice as you blabbered around; talking about your past, your friends, your experiences, even your hopes. You told me about your brothers, what you had gone through and how close you were. Problems you had and even the smallest things you think about. We finished our orders with you talking all the while and I was just listening, a silent witness to this moment, giving a nod, a polite response once in a while. Do you remember?

We were long done with the food but you still hadn’t told me about that thing that you said you wanted to tell me. I was afraid of bringing it up, afraid of sounding too eager. So I waited for you to bring it up. Then you asked where I wanted to go, the beach, somewhere quiet. I couldn’t think of anything so I left the decision to you, waited for you to make up your mind. Then suddenly you had a wonderful idea you said and led me out to go someplace; secret.

It was not that big a surprise since I realized that you were taking me to the park, I was in fact disappointed. As I was heading towards the entrance of the park you pulled me back, said it was not the place to go. That aroused my curiosity, so I followed your lead and we ended at the front door of an old church. I looked at you with puzzled eyes and you just smiled, it’s quieter inside you said. I smiled at that though what I would have wanted was to go up to the bell free.

We went inside and it was so quiet, it was still a long time before the next mass so we sat at the last bench on the left wing of the church. And just like what happened earlier that day you began to talk about anything and everything.

Then all of a sudden there was silence, you were thinking, I could even hear you breath. Abruptly you asked: “Do you want me to tell you now? That thing I wanted to tell you…”. I nodded, sure. And secretly sighed, at last you’re getting to the good part.

Before I get to that thing I want to tell you what I was thinking, what I thought you would have said; something about the previous night, something about liking me. The fact that just the night before we talked about us and openly admitted that we like each other but you have to tell me something first. I was nervous and I couldn’t even look at you. In short I thought you were going to tell me more about the fact that you like me. But I was dead wrong, or maybe I hoped too much. Just to help, if you have lately acquired amnesia or selective amnesia at that let me remind you of what happened next.

I can still remember how quiet it was at that time, maybe two or three seconds of total silence. You then took a deep breath, and said;”There’s this girl..”. My heart beat literally stopped, I felt a cold hand grip my heart. I blinked once, twice, tried to absorb what you were saying for you were speaking again. I glanced at you; you were looking ahead and going on with your tale. I looked on and tried to make out what I was feeling at the moment and came up with only one answer; I was numb. Couldn’t feel anything, I was thinking I should slap you but I couldn’t get myself to do it. Instead I just smiled and listened as you told me about her. Absorbing everything till I realized they were about to start a mass and that we have to leave.

As we stood I couldn’t feel my feet. I just walked, and then I saw the museum, a chance to pour my attention to something else, to not think about what just happened. We stayed there for a while and I was acting as if nothing has caused my nerves this stress and then went on our way home.

That was an event in my life that has been printed in my memory and I will forever remember for in that night I felt my heart literally breaking into pieces. You may wonder why I’d even bother telling you this; I just want you to know that, thanks to you I learned, the hard way.

best paper according to my professor...

hahah really..

you judge...

“Twithmath!!”

“What is your favorite holiday?” Martha asked her youngest grandchild. “Twithmath!”. The child gleefully replied. It made the old woman smile broadly; she than asked Jill why she loved Christmas. This time the child’s eyebrows furrowed in thought, “becauth you love me gramma”. And with that Martha’s eyes filled with tears.
For most of us Christmas is a time for giving and receiving gifts. Most say it is a time to give, but to give what? Houses, cars, clothes, toys, food or money? Would that always be enough? No, the most remarkable thing that we could give is not a thing at all. It’s the love you give, not holding back, giving wholeheartedly not minding the costs. It’s what you could learn from Martha and Jill. Jill is not just happy for the food, the toys nor the attention but the culmination of Martha’s love for her all year long.
The “something” that drives Martha to do things for her grandchild is not what she could get in return; but the love she has for the child. Unconditional love that never changes, even if Jill is a bad girl at times still Martha loves her just the same.
Like Martha and Jill we could all give that unconditional love to others, it will not be easy but it will be the greatest gift we could give. Just like how Christ died to save us, because of His unconditional love. Who are you then to limit the love you could give?

regret

Regret
She was walking along the beach, thinking about the past. Quietly reminiscing what had been, thinking about so many things yet longing for only that one moment to happen again, to be given the chance to go back in time and take it back; that one thing that has caused her all this pain.
It was dark but the moon was lighting her night like a lamp in the darkness; she absently observed the leaves dancing in the wind. Thinking how unfair it was that the leaves were dancing when she was dying inside. She sat on the sand hugging her knees and placing her head bowed between them. She wants to shield her face from the moon; she doesn’t want her to witness her hurting. She was covering her face from the sand; she does not want them to see her moment of weakness. She was fighting, trying to be strong, telling the world that she can make it, to prove that she cannot be broken.
She was trying to hold it in, tried to stop the tears from falling. She wanted to keep it all to herself, wanted nobody else to share her hurt.
Then the tears fell, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She cried silently.
Slowly standing she picked up a small stone and with all her might threw it across the water, wishing that like the stone she could just throw away her pain..
She sat back down not minding the time.
Not thinking what would happen next.
She just sat there,
Waiting…
And she waited…
For that one thing to wake her up…
For that one thing to save her…

he could read her tears

He Could Read Her Tears

He saw her smile and it made him feel at ease.

He settled back on the on the seat and resumed reading.

Today’s one of those rare times, she’s feeling well and with that he couldn’t have asked for more.

They were so in tuned with each other that he could understand her every expression, her every gesture.

Best of all he could read her tears.